If you are trying to get over break up right now, then you don't need us to tell you how bad things hurt. We know how you feel! Sometimes you can think your heart is going to explode. It's strange how sometimes you want to see the other person one minute - and want to kill them the next? That is all par for the course when you are trying getting over a break-up.
Just as there are stages of grief when mourning someone who has died, there are also steps that must be taken when getting over a break-up. One woman I know had a first husband who died and her second spouse divorced her. She said that it was actually harder getting over the divorce of the second husband than it was getting over the death of her first. That is because there's societal support when someone dies, but you are supposed to go about getting over a break-up on your own.
The first thing you should do is sit down and write a long letter to your ex. Pour out your heart. Share the experiences you had together. Tell him or her why you loved them. Put on paper how you feel about the break up. Call them names. It's okay to emote in this letter because no-one is ever going to see it. That is because you are going to light a candle and burn the letter over the candle's flame. There are not many rituals that go along with breaking up, but this one can help you on the road to emotional recovery.
Next, you need to arrange to exchange stuff. If you have been in a relationship of any length, you probably have some stuff of his at your place and he's got your things at his. You probably want much of this stuff back and he or she is equally eager to get theirs. Box it up. Work out a time for a mutual exchange.
If you still have items of your ex's around the place that aren't going to be exchanged, either box them up or throw them away. Be ruthless. Don't leave your ex's toothbrush lying around the bathroom because it will only remind you of them as you are trying to go about getting over the break-up. This is about survival!
It is also a good idea to pack away any presents from your ex which you no longer want (or even ones which you like but which reawaken painful memories). Wearing a watch given you by your ex can remind you of them whenever you look at the time! That's just not a good idea. First, it's emotionally destabilising in the immediate here and now, and secondly, it can make the task of getting over the break-up more difficult.
There could be money matters that need to be sorted out when you're still getting over the break up. If you owe your ex money, try to repay it from your own money as soon as possible, or, if that's going to take any length of time, just get another loan to pay it off. If you have a checking account together, work out how you are going to divvy it up and then go to the bank to close it.
What you should be seeing is a pattern of closing out the parts of your lives that you shared. And remember: for every door that closes, a new one will open.
