So read the following action-steps carefully. They may 'feel' wrong, but think of it like this: the right medicine can taste bad but if it works, it works. Whether in solving a simple lover's tiff or an insanely complicated divorce, these action-steps have been shown to get results.
FIRST
Before you can win back your ex you have to make the effort necessary to accept that your relationship has indeed broken up. This is probably going to be very tough but it's necessary if you wish to start an effective process to get back together.
People who don't accept this fact usually try to go back in time and try to rebuild their relationship from 'that time when it was good'. You have to realize that won't work. The good times have been and gone, and you are now stuck in the bad times. If you want to win your ex back and rebuild a relationship you have to rebuild it from the point it started to fall apart.
But where did it start to fall apart?
Nobody ever woke up in the morning and suddenly decided for no reason at all to "dump their lover". No! There was an erosion process. Your ex has been thinking about it for some time before dumping you. How much time, only your ex will know … it may have been days, weeks or even years. In any case the decision to end it, I promise you, was made well before the day you were told, "It's over."
This is also true if your relationship seemed to end after a massive big argument. It takes more than a fight or two to bring down a love affair! It was not the argument that caused the break-up - that was just the "final straw that broke the camel's back" (as they say in England). The real break-up took place some time before.
A break-up is more often than not like tooth decay: a slow, silent erosion that results in extraordinary pain. By the time you feel the pain in the tooth it's too late, the damage has already been done and no amount of brushing and scrubbing or any other method of oral hygiene is going to kill the pain or repair the tooth. A trip to the dentist is inevitable. It's only when the tooth is repaired that you can make that promise to yourself to "clean your teeth twice a day" to stop any more decay.
Locating the time the relationship started to fall apart can be very difficult - and useless! Why? Because you have two people here, and what is going on inside your head is something very different than what is going through your ex's head. From your point of view, maybe things started going bad from such-and-such a time - but from your ex's point of view, things started at so-and-so. Two different times, and two different events.
Important:- ( in the process of trying to win your ex back you must never ask an ex, during or just after a break-up, a question like "When did things start to go wrong?" You will never get the correct answer.)
The trick to winning your ex back and repairing a break-up after being dumped is to accept that the relationship is over. (For the moment, anyway.)
Most people, after being dumped, go into a "Me" thing, a "victim" thing, a "look what you did to ME" or a "how could you do this to ME" thing. Then they fight like mad to try and keep the relationship together, but meanwhile the ex is fighting equally hard to get away. Your trying to win back you ex, and your ex is trying to lose an ex. And both of you will just "suspend" right there, irritating the hell out of each other. Your ex is trying to move on and you're resisting. You're pushing in desperation to win your ex back and your ex is pulling away.
If you keep doing the same, you will only get what you are already getting now! …
… An ex instead of a lover.
