Jealous Love

Jealous love for an ex feels even worse because the one person who could in theory sort it all out and make it better is quite possibly the one person who may not your best friend right now … your ex.

And jealous love for an ex really can become quite a problem because it definitely makes life feel a lot worse, and can seem to permanently destroy your happiness (though it is in fact a temporary ailment like the flu) and can distract your mind from work and other obligations … but it's very hard to find any effective solution.

None of this is very surprising when you look at it because losing love can be such a massive blow to the self-esteem that it has major knock-on effects on the emotions and even physical health. So it can be a good idea to look at jealousy as being like a kind of physical illness that you are gradually recovering from.

So what's the solution for jealous love? Here are some of the ways in which people have succeeded in recovering from the damaging effects of the 'green-eyed monster' of jealous love:

1.        Talking to friends or family. This can be effective for 'letting off steam'for easing jealousy but there are two things to be careful to avoid. If you notice that talking about your jealous feelings is making you feel worse or you're getting upset then change the subject to something ordinary and then go for a walk instead to chill out! The second thing to watch out for is that you don't talk so long or so often that your friends or family start wanting to avoid the subject … :-/

2.        Setting a time-limit for feeling bad about your ex. This has been used by several of our readers with a good effect. Decide how long you are going to give yourself to feel better about your ex and get over the break-up. This can range from two weeks to two years! (The person who decided to give herself two years wrote to us to say she felt better after eight months instead!) This helps because you have a target to work towards and so you can focus better on not feeling the bad effects of the jealousy over an ex boyfriend or ex girlfriend!

3.        Talking to your ex. This can help speed up your recovery, or it can make things worse, so use it carefully! If you meet with your ex make sure it's during the day, in a public place with plenty of people around, such as a coffee-shop or park bench. This is to make sure you don't get into anything too upsetting! Talk about 'unimportant' things, not personal issues. The idea is that you gradually get used to being with your ex as an ex, instead of as your love. Oddly enough, this is one of the best ways to get your ex back if that's what you're aiming for. But it can be a very bitter pill to swallow and doesn't always go well, so don't necessarily think it's the complete answer.

4.        Artwork, sports, etc. Creative and energetic pursuits help put time between you and the break-up, and definitely ease the pains of jealous love. Set new goals in your work or pastimes. Decide to prove to yourself (and your ex!) that you can achieve bigger and better without them. This is good for self-esteem! And you should make yourself feel good any way you can right now.

5.        Download our FREE 'How to Heal A Broken Heart' e-book - the authoritative 'survival guide' for anybody feeling bad after a break-up, and very helpful for dealing with feelings of jealousy.

Jealousy is a wracking, rending emotion and very hard to deal with. If you can survive its attacks and keep going you will at the very least know that you have the powers of endurance to get through many of the most difficult situations life can throw at you. That may be small comfort when you're suffering the pangs, but remember that the future is a lot brighter than the present.